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Entries in conscious sex (1)

Sunday
Jul062014

* 8 Steps to Conscious Casual Sex

An article in Time Magazine claims that casual sex is good for you. Citing a study conducted by NYU and Cornell, performed on college students and the effects of casual encounters on their well-being, the article reveals that zesty sessions with penetration (oral, vaginal and anal) improve self-esteem and overall well-being, compared to not having sex. This challenges the popular belief that casual sex triggers low self-esteem and depression.  http://time.com/2917281/casual-sex-is-good-for-you-study/

It’s true; a zesty session with a sexy friend can be an ego-boost that may stimulate an amazing ‘high’ that the whole world can see. And the health benefits are abundant; sex is great exercise that lowers blood pressure and eases stress. Women who engage in regular sex live longer than their celibate sisters. But it’s also true that the chemical, physical and emotional makeup of a woman can cause detached intimacy to be perilous to her well-being. It can often cause emotional bonding with even the most inappropriate partner. And one-night stands may trigger disappointment, confusion and regret.  It’s becoming clear that casual sex is neither right nor wrong, and when presented with a potentially erotic frolic, it’s best to make a choice based on what’s right for you.

But think about it. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a temporary lover, with whom you can generate all the sexy goodness, without the risk of hurt feelings and self-judgment afterwards?  It may be possible. The 8 Steps to Conscious Casual Sex can help make your rendezvous considerate, caring and clean, so that you can enjoy the benefits of physical closeness, while reducing the risks. Keep these tips in mind the next time an offer for a snuggle arises!

8 Steps to Conscious Casual Sex

1)    Remember, casual sex is a choice. Make your decisions based on a deep awareness of who you are and what you want. 

2)    Communicate. As the heat of a sexy situation rises, engage in a conversation with your partner and share your intentions before going all the way. Determine if this is just a stress-relief session, or the first step of exploring a potentially long-lasting relationship. Be sure to express your individual needs and post-rendezvous expectations, too. And don’t be vague about it. If you require a follow-up call or email the next day, say so. If you want to never see him again afterwards, say it.  If you are in disagreement, decide whether or not it’s worth it to continue. Talking may cool off the moment temporarily, and in some cases, it may be for the best. Remember, the goal is to avoid hard feelings and post-sex angst for both parties.

3)    Honor and respect your partner. Your paramour is a human being with feelings - not just a penis or vagina to satisfy your needs. Keep his or her best interests at heart, and care about what goes on in her or his head. Maintain respect for him or her before, during and most of all after your session. Once your romp has wrapped, it’s not over. A human being is still present. Resist your temptation to get dressed and get away as quickly as possible. Continue your attention to his/her thoughts and body language. Hug with feelings. Depart with appreciation. Honor him/her from beginning to end.  

4)    Enjoy your encounter with gratitude. Few things in life are as fun, pleasurable, and beneficial to the body and spirit is good sex. Be appreciative of your partner’s willingness to indulge you with sensuality and satisfaction. Thank your partner for his or her time, body, energy, fun, etc., before you say goodnight.

5)    Follow through with your pre-sex agreement.  If you affirmed that you would talk the next morning, talk. If you said you wouldn’t make a big deal about it afterwards, don’t email long letters later pining for him/him. Following through with your agreement is respectful and compassionate, not to mention, a sign of integrity. 

6)    Communicate more, if necessary.  If your agreement did not include communicating the next day, but your partner contacts you, have the courtesy to respond, even with just a few words. Sex is powerful. Sometimes the emotional after-effects can take one by surprise. Have the compassion and courage to listen to your suitor. Assure him or her that he/she is a wonderful human being and all is well. Sometimes that’s all he or she needs in the dimming afterglow. If he/she wants more than you agreed to, remind him/her of your agreements and gently express that you would like to keep them as such.    

7)    Feel empowered and take responsibility. Once you agreed to engage in deep intimacy, you became a responsible and willing participant. Even if he doesn’t call after he said he would, let it go and focus on the many benefits you received. No one can make you happy for the long haul except for you. Don’t let someone’s lack of follow up or disinterest chip away at your joy and self-esteem. Be happy! You chose to take the risk and you, too, got something out of participating.

8)    Learn from the experience.  If you discover that casual sex is more like a casualty to your spirit, tuck this info into your back pocket for future reference. Move through this one as best as you can without regrets. Own your responsibility as an empowered woman who received pleasure and health benefits. 

Of course, this all goes without saying; enjoy sex responsibly and use protection!  Love on!