Entries in Relationships (2)


* Self-Love and Relationships

 “I love everyone, and you’re next!”

The refrigerator magnet displaying these exuberant words describes the loving nature of its owner, my friend Lilly.  Lilly exudes an infectiously loving vibration toward everyone she meets. Her smiles, embraces, and energetic connections melt even the coldest of hearts, for they feel her sincere full-presence and compassion. Harmony reigns in Lilly’s friendships and marriage, for they’re built on a foundation of respect, appreciation and love – for her loved ones and herself.  

Such a strong expression of outward-flowing love comes from deep inner-love and high self-esteem. Lilly’s effusive love for others is a result of her exploration and appreciation of her own unique body, mind and soul. By honoring the truth of who she is, she can more clearly appreciate and respect the individual natures of others. In her interpersonal relationships, Lilly’s self-esteem is demonstrated with not just an open heart, but also with strong boundaries, honest communication and self-care. These enable her to cultivate and enjoy healthy relationships based on truth, mutual-respect and love.

If everyone possessed Lilly’s high self-esteem, harmony would reign in all relationships on the planet -  from intimate to political. Humanity would head toward another Renaissance and away from collapse.

Dr. Lori BuckleySelf-love and relationship is the topic that Dr. Lori Buckley and I recently discussed on her podcast show, Looking for Love.  Dr. Lori is a brilliant therapist who has helped hundreds of women and men navigate through their relationship challenges. She also believes that strong self-esteem as a necessity for a healthy relationships.  

In this show, we share ideas and exercises that help women enhance their self-love. Dr. Lori, who is down-to-earth and overflowing with positive energy, provides a psychological perspective, while I offer information from a spiritual and energetic angle. In this entertaining exchange of insights we hope to inspire and encourage women everywhere to develop a foundation of exuberant self-love, so that all relationships, and indeed, the entire planet, can become more loving.

You can hear this episode of the Looking for Love with Dr. Lori Buckley podcast on iTunes. Look for the “Self Love.” Episode.

To learn more about Dr. Lori Buckley and her work, go to DrLoriBuckley.com



* Three Degrees of Energetic Connection

I was recently privileged to have co-facilitated a workshop with relationship expert Dr. Lori Buckley.  With an understanding of the need for more than communication skills and emotional dexterity for loving relating, our Love & Passion Workshop for Couples introduced the concepts of relating energetically. Our hunch to expand the scope of relationship this way was validated by the participating couples, who emerged from the weekend feeling more loving, connected and appreciative of their partners.

As a facilitator of the Energetic Arts, my primary objective with students is to expand their consciousness of themselves and others as energetic beings. I find that this foundational awareness automatically enhances their ability to create harmonious, loving and expansive relationships with themselves, their friends and their beloveds. Once a person is introduced to their subtle body energies and explores the energy of the self and others, relating is never the same. Similar to learning the difference between boys and girls when we were young, learning about our energy provides a new perspective of ourselves, others and life, and influences the way we approach and respond to others and life itself.  

For couples, I offer a practice called the Three Degrees of Energetic Connection, through which relating transcends the primarily psychological/emotional rapport to a multidimensional, energetic and spiritual connection.  The three degrees include: Consciousness, Allness and Oneness.  In practice, the degrees build one each other. Until we become completely aware of the first degree of Consciousness, it will be difficult to relate at the Second Degree of Allness, and so forth.


The Three Degrees of Energetic Connection include: 

First Degree

Cool:  Consciousness 

  • Acknowledgement of self as divine. Knowing and loving the Self.
  • Awareness of subtle energy throughout the body, including the chakras and meridians.  
  • Learning to connect with and control our energy.
  • Becoming fully-present and aware of our place in the earthly and cosmic realms.

 Second Degree

 Warm:  Allness    

  • Acknowledging the divine in all others. Fully seeing and being with others, no matter who they are. 
  • Consciousness of energy that flows between self and others, relating to another, whether they are a stranger, friend or beloved. 
  • Consciously connecting with others.

 Third Degree

Hot:  Oneness     

  • The bliss of fully connecting, energetically and physically, with a beloved.
  • Loving, deep connection.
  • Experiencing each other’s body and soul.



First and Second Degree Connections:  Acknowledge the Divine Within the Self and Others

The first essential step in creating loving relationships is to acknowledge the Self as divine. As we awaken to our vastness as divine beings, and experience others as divine, we can relate to ourselves, others and life with a greater capacity of love, forgiveness and kindness. We are much more than flesh and bones, but a container for our soul energy. We, as soul, are a divine emanation of the God/dess or Higher Power, on an earth journey to expand and express. Practice seeing yourself, not as you, but as divine, as your soul. Allow your soul to express itself, and appreciate it for all that it is. Be loving and gentle with yourself, for this is a journey and every turn offers a new experience.

Acknowledge that every human on the planet is a Divine Being on her or his own journey, and honor them for the facet of God/dess that she/he represents. Practice seeing others as divine. See beyond their flesh, and experience their soul. Feel love and patience as they maneuver through life. They, too, are experiencing newness every day.


Third Degree Connection:  Tantric Kiss

The Tantric Kiss is a simple, but powerful, gesture that you can practice with your beloved during a myriad of situations, from love-making to diffusing emotions during a fight, and the result is always the same  –  a loving and calming connection.

Stand face to face, look into each other’s eyes. Take a breath together, exhale together. Embrace. Gently place touch your foreheads together so that the area between your eyebrows, known as the Third Eye, touch.  Close your eyes and remain connected for a few moments. Feel your love well up and radiate between your hearts. Feel your psychic connection, understanding the perfection of your relationship. Remain in this position for as long as time allows. Separate physically, and feel the connection remain between you for the rest of the day or night. 


Relationships are not for the faint of heart. But with information that can assist on all levels, from communication to energetic awareness, all relationships can become a joyful experience of expansion and growth.